He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
