I want to have your abortion
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
