Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize