the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
