I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
