My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
