he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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