WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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