I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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