We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
