just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
