Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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