if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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