If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize