My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
