Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
