You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
