She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
