Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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