I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
