I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
