mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Less talking, more tequila
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize