Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
