U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
