went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
