did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
