Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish you could order shots online.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
