I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
