just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
