have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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