boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
