Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
