i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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