There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
