Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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