yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
