The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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