i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
