Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
