think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
