Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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