Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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