And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
