YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
