I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
