dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
