why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
