Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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