I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he thought i was a dude.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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