Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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