chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
