we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
