i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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