her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
