You really coming over, don't trick.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
