I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
NoShamevember. You game?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
