Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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