Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
