No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
