I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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