I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
