On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
