Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
