u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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